1. Propagandhi tricked into eating ice cream, loses collective vegan powers

    A group of Australian white nationalists have finally served the long-standing thrash metal / punk rock Canadian band Propagandhi their just desserts.

    While the band was aware that a large number of neo-nazis would be openly protesting their Australian tour, one small subset took it upon themselves to ensure their distaste for Propagandhi’s politics would not go unnoticed. By painting an old ice cream truck and altering the signs to make it look like they were running a vegan soy ice cream truck, these Aussies had set up the perfect trap.

    Drummer and band co-founder Jord Samolesky noticed the truck from a distance outside the venue during a quick break post-sound check.

    "I just walked outside and saw this lonely ice cream truck sitting in the parking lot. The big colorful sign read "nice cream! a vegan friendly soy ice cream" and had all these smiling cows painted on it. I rallied up the guys and offered to treat everyone to their choice."

    Chris Hannah, lead vocalist, guitarist , and co-founder, admits he also fell under the spell of a potentially tasty treat.

    "I should have fucking known better. Those sneaky bastards got us good. I mean, why would I have noticed they only had vanilla? So what if there was a  ’NO COLORED ICE CREAM" sign. Vegan-friendly flavors are pretty sparse. But hindsight is 20/20, man. The paint on the words ‘ice cream’ was wet. I know that now."

    The vegan police arrived just minutes before their set had begun and did their duty. The band sloppily lazed their way through half a set before bassist Todd Kowalski began projectile vomiting all over the stage. As a disgruntled audience began trashing the stage, the band decided to just cancel the rest of the show.

    "We felt terrible about calling it quits early, but we just couldn’t keep going," Hannah confessed. "I couldn’t even figure out how I was supposed to play my guitar parts AND sing at the same time. What asshole wrote all those parts? That shit is impossible."

    When asked about the new album, the band did not respond, as they were too busy searching menus on their Xbox 360 copy of NHL ‘11 to figure out how to turn on the glowing puck effect.

    "How the fuck are you supposed to follow this game without a glowing puck? It moves way too fast otherwise."

     

     
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    "How the fuck are you supposed to follow this game without a glowing puck? It moves way too fast otherwise."
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    I’m lolling really hard
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